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Monday, 4 May 2015

Mommy issues


The quote in the image above gives me  hope.

You see, I've been busy trying to teach discipline while it is quite obvious by my randomly updated blog that I need help in the area. Good thing is I finally got a new laptop. Unfortunate update, I've had it for almost a month already and not even attempted writing again until tonight.

Issue one is now obvious; I have an issue with discipline.  I am not as disciplined as I think I am in my head. I have been struggling to get my three year old to respond when I say without his rationalizing of what he thinks should be done instead. I, the mother, who should know better have allowed some of the directives of the Word of God to be literally ignored because I have rationalized how difficult it is to be obedient to the fullest.SMH.  1 Samuel 15:22 shares that "...obedience is better than sacrifice," I want my children to get that. But oh, how I NEED to get it.

Additionally, I have issues with my words and the way I say those words to my children, popularly known as mommy anger issues. I shout, I yell, they have meltdowns then I have meltdowns. Could it be that my "grievous words" according to Proverbs 15:1 could have a lasting impact on my children? That impact not being a positive one. It got so bad recently my husband ran into the bathroom concerned as I raised my voice at one of the children. He was concerned something bad had happened and that neighbours were hearing me. Embarrassed, I tried to think about how I sounded to him and them. Not good. How do I want my children to speak to one another, to me and others? This one is going to stretch me if I am sincere in my desire to overcome this struggle.

To make matters worse, this final mommy issue I am going to share is really a person issue and it is that I have been using the care of my children as an excuse to skip quiet time with my Heavenly Father.  I have an issue with fake busyness. How gracious a Father He is, can you imagine Him behaving the way I do with my children and family? Deep breath.  Claiming to be too busy and then too tired to dedicate some time for intimacy with my Lord is just not acceptable.  I sacrifice time to visit Facebook, read the depressing newspapers, watch t.v. so how busy am I really? When I do take the time to prioritize and meditate on the Word and not rush through my devotions my whole day takes on a new and fresh outlook. I am definitely working on this though.

The mirror of the Word makes me see how I have allowed these "issues"to bother and limit God's move in my life.  Being a mother is stretching, challenging and like sand paper to my soul; one of the purpose of motherhood is to smooth the rough edges still left on me.   This awareness is humbling, and cleansing at the same time since without that awareness, I would to see my face in a mirror, walk away and forget how I look, refer to James 1:23-24.  If I get it, I can then be more effective at mothering. Right?

I'll let you know how I am doing as days go by. Pray for me. What 'issues' would you like me to pray about for you?

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